Alcoholic Luigi on Twitter Harassment: You’re Doing It Wrong

Luigi Baby GateI’ve often said that people are stupid and I hate them. This is because I’m an asshole, and I’m a big enough person to admit I’m an asshole. There are entire articles on how I’m an asshole, and I’ve made quite a few jokes about it, as well.

Oddly enough, I’ve always been able to indicate how much of an asshole I am without going on Twitter and calling people sexist and racist slurs using incredibly misspelled words. Which, for some reason, several people feel is a perfectly appropriate response to Anita Sarkesian’s “Tropes vs. Women” series.

Now, you might think that I’m going to go off on people spewing this horrid harassment on a person just for simply having a different opinion. I am not, because if you need to be told that, you’re a sad sack of a human being in the first place. Instead, I’m going to point out that these wastrels are incredibly poor at coming up with insults.

The over-use of the word “cunt”, for example, has me absolutely livid. Why utilize gender-specific words when I can call the people I disagree with bleeding fractals of idiocy? I don’t have to call anyone a dick when I can instead point out that they are pulsating pustules of human indecency.

Yes, that’s right. I’m annoyed that these people are insulting others so poorly. I have no moral high ground to tell these wastes of electrons that they shouldn’t insult someone for disagreeing with them, obviously. But I can certainly be annoyed that these sad sacks of mommy issues can’t manage to string a coherent sentence together.

If you’re going to insult another human being, show that you have more brains than evolution gave a mealworm and spell shit correctly.

Alcoholic Luigi vs. AniMinneapolis 2014But what annoys me most is that many of these people think they’re “fighting the good fight.” They show as much awareness of the real world as a 50-year-old assistant manager at the local McDonald’s who swears he’s in line for a promotion any day now.

These people are pathetic states of loneliness and self-hatred. They have contributed nothing to the concept of discussion or debate, because they have encased themselves a cocoon of spider-webs and delusions in order to suck their own genitals in an epic display of vulgarity, the likes of which the Human Centipede would balk at. But they’re going to sit there and insist that they have the right to say this shit, because OH NO, SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET SAID THAT GAMES MIGHT NOT BE PERFECTLY RESPECTFUL TOWARD WOMEN!

Unfortunately for you, you didn’t learn the last time we had this little dance, and since I stake my entire reputation on being a drunk yelly guy who has nothing better to do, I can sit here and drink this beer while ripping you apart. So the next time your over-inflated ego decides you’re being persecuted, I want you to remember everything I just said, you rampaging pustules of septic inability. I want you to keep the words deep down in your craw. Because this? This is what an insult looks like. It’s not someone pointing out that you use misogynistic language (which is true), it’s not someone pointing out that video games tend to exclude the female perspective (which is also true), nor is it the fact that someone points out rape and death threats over a video game are signs of a poorly socially adjusted person (which is also true!).

It’s someone like me calling you out for being the pathetic, septic tank-licking, ass-nuzzling, shit-gargling, fuck-raping, sack-smacking, couldn’t-buy-a-fuck-in-Vegas dumbshits that you are.

Deal with it!

  • Strontium Dingo

    “…pulsating pustules of human indecency” is a fantastic phrase, and an excellent example of exactly what you’re talking about.

    Why used tired cliched old words and phrases when we can invent entirely new ones, like some kind of bastardized futurethrown Blackadders?

    It’s an excellent point you make, and well worth acting on!