An Open Letter to the Gaming Community About the 2DS

An Open Letter to the Gaming Community About the 2DS

Dear Gaming Community,

Good job calling Nintendo to task over the 2DS. Nintendo certainly tried to pull a fast one, but you guys are far too clever to fall for that. Why would Nintendo ever think they could make money by selling you things that you already had, using last gen’s hardware? They must be run by fools and idiots to think that sort of thing would ever work.

They also thought they could fool you by saying they were targeting a six or under crowd. You guys are far too smart for that. You know “targeting a younger market” is just another way to say “casual gamer.” And you know what that means. Gamers who like different thi… I mean, a blatant admission that no one wants their stupid technology. Besides, look at how they had to drop the price of the 3DS and offer free NES games to sell the thing! That they tried something new and failed is a lesson they must never forget, for they have brought shame to their ancestors and, more importantly, dishonor upon the hallowed name of Mario.

There are some who might claim that Nintendo, being a business, is trying to sell to a larger demographic. They might go on to claim that, by making a handheld with a low price tag and without the less than popular tech, they can reach the people who would want to buy and play 3DS games but not own a 3DS.

You must nip that argument in the bud. You, and only you, the most vocal and entitled of gamers, are the target market for Nintendo. Why would they ever want to reach a larger audience with different interests? You’ve spent far too many hours of your life finding the flaws in every single videogame release ever, you don’t have to take that kind of argument!

The most important thing to remember is that every possible design flaw and poor business decision is a direct insult against you. Nintendo, being a multinational corporation worth billions of dollars, requires constant negative attention to ensure their future profit margins. After all, whose advice should they consider for future business decisions? The people looking at actual, hard numbers in sales of consoles and games? Or people who’s main contribution to the discussion is how much everything they don’t like sucks? I think the answer is clear.

Ur mom sux cox in hell,

Rev. Nate Turner (AKA Alcoholic Luigi)

An Open Letter to the Gaming Community About the 2DS