Gods Will Be Watching Is Actually a Time Management Game

Remember that fantastic Gods Will Be Watching trailer? The one that told you that every decision comes with a burden, and that every choice you make matters?

Yeah. That trailer is wrong. Gods Will Be Watching is a time management game. [Read more...]

Crypt of the Necrodancer Is the Hero Roguelikes Need

Crypt of the Necrodancer is amazing. The alpha is addictive. The concept is novel. The execution is impressive. I could go on for twelve pages about this game, but allow me to tell you why Crypt of the Necrodancer is the roguelike to watch in just a few bullet points.


  • Every aspect of the game is controlled by 4 arrows. The game is playable on any USB Dance Dance Revolution mat.
  • Speedy and beat-perfect execution is not required to play well. Don’t think of it as a “DDRPG;” think of it as timed chess meets Mystery Dungeon where the clock is the beat of a song.
  • Enemies have predictable patterns, but there are many enemies at once and it’s much harder than it sounds to manage them to a dance beat.
  • My favorite mechanic in video games is the core concept of the game’s prestige XP system: “You’re dead, but now you can upgrade _____ for next time…”
  • All dungeons are procedurally generated so there’s always replay value.
  • There’s local co-op.
  • You can upload your own songs. Kill sub-boss monsters to Lonely Island like a boss.

This is a puzzle-rhythm-roguelike, and there’s nothing else like it. This is going to make your “Let’s Play” celebrities jump around a DDR mat. There is every reason in the world to get hyped about Crypt of the Necrodancer.

Crypt of the NecrodancerCheck out the official website for news on how it’s shaping up and early access info, because updates are regular and frequent.

Afterfall: Reconquest Episode 1 Reminds Me Why I Hate Steam Early Access

Afterfall“This is the way games should be made,” proclaims Steam Early Access’s Welcome page, with Valve’s characteristic aplomb. And they certainly have reason to be confident: Early Access affords players unprecedented access to both developers’ notes and early versions of their favorite games.

However, the sheer volume of titles on the service makes strict quality control a logistical impossibility. And with so many developers eager to make back their initial investment as quickly as possible, the bar for what constitutes a “playable alpha” continues to drop further and further.

[Read more...]

Gods Will Be Watching Doesn’t Make You Face the Consequences of Your Actions

Gods Will Be Watching cave labGods Will Be Watching made me kill a robot.

I didn’t do it on purpose. He seemed like a pretty nice robot, and I had every intention of keeping him alive. I’d made a point of repairing him in my other playthroughs, but forgot about it in my final run. When I realized what I’d done, I felt like a complete jerk, and was tempted to go back and fix my mistake. [Read more...]

The First Interesting Enemy in Strike Force Foxx Is Another Helicopter

Strike Force Foxx - Razor One in HangerI’ve already complained about the tedium of Strike Force Foxx‘s stages. I’ve mentioned how enemies feel poorly placed and your biggest adversary is your own boredom.

Well, over 20 levels in, in the chapter “Communications,” I’ve faced the first enemy that I would call interesting. It just happens to be a helicopter.

[Read more...]

Gods Will Be Watching Proves I’m Better at Being a Hostage Than Managing Hostages

Thanks to Gods Will Be Watching, I know I have terrible hostage management skills. If you want to rob a bank, hijack a subway car, or do anything else that requires hostages, I’m not the girl you want to call. I will get your hostages killed, and I will do it over and over again.

Gods Will Be Watching hostages 2By the time I made it to chapter 2, I was a little anxious. Chapter 1 had been hellish, and I didn’t think I could handle anything harder. I grew even more apprehensive when I heard the chapter’s premise: You and your partner have been captured, and must endure 20 days of torture while a rescue mission is planned.

[Read more...]

Strike Force Foxx Is Somehow Overly Short and Tedious at the Same Time

Strike Force FoxxI’m pretty sure Strike Force Foxx is the shortest game I’ve ever used the word “tedious” to describe.

[Read more...]

Strike Force Foxx Is Already Reusing Backdrops by the Second Chapter

Strike Force Foxx LogoStrike Force Foxx is a 3DS eShop title that looks like it’s supposed to be about flying a military helicopter on dangerous missions (a little bit like Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf). In actuality, it’s about lack of punctuality and hitting on “a chopper full of babes.” But, as advertised, there is some helicopter-flying and hostage-saving in the game; it’s just the least fun part of the package.

[Read more...]

Power Rangers: Beats of Power Is Making Me Nervous

To say I never grew out of Power Rangers would be slightly inaccurate. My love evolved into a full-blown obsession with Japanese superheroes and the rubber monsters they punch. I’ve spent hours catching up on episodes, and spent hundreds importing toys so that I could take pictures like this:


Nerd note: No one in this picture is a Power Ranger.

I should be thrilled about fan made beat-em-up Power Rangers: Beats of Power. The game is a Power Cannon blast of nostalgia, from its perfect Putty sounds to the inclusion of actual Mighty Morphin Power Rangers footage. You can even hang out in the Angel Grove juice bar.

Power Rangers Beats of RageBut I can’t shake the feeling that this will all end badly.

The last Power Rangers-related game I got excited about was the Kickstarted Chroma Squad, a simulator that has you running a Power Rangers-style TV show from behind the scenes. It combined my adoration for Power Rangers and my weird obsession with simulators in ways I never thought possible.

I was one of the project’s first backers, and my name will be in the game when — or if — it gets released.

Chroma SquadUnfortunately, there’s a chance the game might never surface. When Saban, the company that owns the rights to Power Rangers, caught wind of the game, they gave the developer two options: they could give them a royalty share, or settle things in court.

This is a game that never so much as mentions Power Rangers. What’s going to happen to a game that’s Power Rangers through and through? It’s possible that Saban won’t care if there’s not money involved, but there’s a good chance they’ll make the game disappear.

Anyone who’s used the word “morphinominal” should should grab Power Rangers: Beats of Power while they still can. It was made for Power Rangers fans, and it’d be a shame if they could never enjoy it.

Skullgirls, EVO, and How Pick and Choose Popular Games

SkullgirlsWhen Skullgirls was first released, Adam “Keits” Heart asked Mr. Wizard, Joey Cuellar — in an episode of Wakeup SRK — why the game wasn’t going to be featured at the EVO 2012 tournament. The reason was that the game was coming out too close to EVO, and he wasn’t even sure if it would have enough support for a tournament.

Meanwhile, Street Fighter X Tekken came out around the same time Skullgirls did, and it had an official EVO tournament. [Read more...]