Retro gaming enthusiast site Rawrcade.com recently posted an article claiming we’re in a retro games bubble. The article showed some evidence (supplied by the Price Charting site) that NES cartridge prices are on the rise.
Hello, and welcome to the Trash Bin, the column where we review old games nobody cares about because certain dark powers felt it necessary that I do so. I’m your host, a man who is doomed to spend eternity searching for a reason to care about anything.
As my last piece had hinted at, I have in fact been turned into a vampire. It’s precisely why the best way to describe today’s game, BloodRayne 2, is as “a fragile black rose, covered in thorns; now get me some fucking rum so I can stop talking like this.” Yes, vampirism is not much fun.
Seriously! No… no not the one the dwarf is riding it’s like really big and… what? No I don’t need an axe, thanks for asking, but you should BE RUNNING BECAUSE THERE IS A GIANT DRAGON BEHIND YOU! [Read more...]
I came to in the basement in front of a TV playing sitcom reruns.
“Damn it, Ward,” I instinctively yelled at the screen, “Share a bed already! You’re married and have two children; nobody believes you haven’t been sleeping with her!”
“Not, so, loud…” a sultry voice said to me as I found a blade being placed at my throat.
I looked up. Naturally, it was Rayne, wearing her usual array of bondage gear and wrist blades. I looked around the basement. Kain was still sleeping in his coffin next to his ridiculously phallic magic sword. Mykal Lakim was, as usual, passed out on the floor.
First we’d like to thank and appreciate all of our fans for ignoring the street fights which regularly break out in front of our rowdy neighbor. We spoke to Matin Foresmythe of Matin’s Mystery Cones across the street, and he assured us that we shouldn’t be getting involved. We took this to mean that the rampant gunfire will resolve within a week or so.
To put the “fun” back in “BurgerStop”, we have some promotional days coming up that you won’t want to miss.
There was this whole Desert Storm business going on, and Capitalist America used it as a golden opportunity to sell toy guns and army figures to children. Hell, I remember they released a whole series of collectable cards to commemorate that conflict. (I think I’ve got a few extra General Schwarzkopf cards lying around, if anyone wants to trade something for them.)
You may recall I’ve said before that I can’t play games on emulators. Maybe it’s because my ADD makes it too easy for my mind to wander when I’m on my computer. Maybe I’ve outgrown a lot of these games. I don’t pretend to know.
What I do know is that Earthbound keeps my attention no matter how I’m playing it.
If someone stuck Pokémon, Dragon Quest, and 90s psychological anime in a blender, they might get something that looked like Linda Cube Again. It takes an already bizarre concept — saving animals from the end of the world by placing them on an ark-like spaceship — and dials it up to 11, throwing giant arm transplants and evil twins who dress like Santa Claus into the mix. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a video game. [Read more...]