NES Cartridge Prices Are on the Rise, But That’s Not a Bad Thing

Donkey Kong NESRetro gaming enthusiast site recently posted an article claiming we’re in a retro games bubble. The article showed some evidence (supplied by the Price Charting site) that NES cartridge prices are on the rise.

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The Trash Bin: BloodRayne 2 Devoured My Soul in a Bad Way

BloodRayne 2Hello, and welcome to the Trash Bin, the column where we review old games nobody cares about because certain dark powers felt it necessary that I do so. I’m your host, a man who is doomed to spend eternity searching for a reason to care about anything.

As my last piece had hinted at, I have in fact been turned into a vampire. It’s precisely why the best way to describe today’s game, BloodRayne 2, is as “a fragile black rose, covered in thorns; now get me some fucking rum so I can stop talking like this.” Yes, vampirism is not much fun.

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Final Fantasy VI: This Is Not Clickbait or Anything

LockeFinal Fantasy VI is objectively the best Final Fantasy game. People sometimes disagree with me, but they’re entirely incorrect. Here are 5 reasons.

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Ocarina of Time Isn’t Poorly-Designed; It’s Just Not Other Zelda Games

Sequelitis - ZELDA: A Link to the Past vs. Ocarina of Time
A few weeks ago, my esteemed colleague Josh Wirtanen posted a series of articles about the “Ocarina of Time” entry in Egoraptor’s video series “Sequelitis.”

In these articles, he echoes Egoraptor’s assessment that the N64 game Ocarina of Time is a poorly-designed entry in the series that gathers acclaim due to a combination of its historical placement and blind nostalgia. The articles incited a lot of responses, both positive and negative.

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Golden Axe, There’s a Dragon Behind You…

gaHoly crap, Golden Axe! There’s a giant dragon right behind you!

Seriously! No… no not the one the dwarf is riding it’s like really big and… what? No I don’t need an axe, thanks for asking, but you should BE RUNNING BECAUSE THERE IS A GIANT DRAGON BEHIND YOU! [Read more...]

Rayne, Kain, and Mykal Lakim Visit Burger King

I came to in the basement in front of a TV playing sitcom reruns.

“Damn it, Ward,” I instinctively yelled at the screen, “Share a bed already! You’re married and have two children; nobody believes you haven’t been sleeping with her!”

“Not, so, loud…” a sultry voice said to me as I found a blade being placed at my throat.

Blood Rayne 2I looked up. Naturally, it was Rayne, wearing her usual array of bondage gear and wrist blades. I looked around the basement. Kain was still sleeping in his coffin next to his ridiculously phallic magic sword. Mykal Lakim was, as usual, passed out on the floor.

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Double Dragon: A List of BurgerStop Fun Days

Howdy, BurgerStoppers!

First we’d like to thank and appreciate all of our fans for ignoring the street fights which regularly break out in front of our rowdy neighbor. We spoke to Matin Foresmythe of Matin’s Mystery Cones across the street, and he assured us that we shouldn’t be getting involved. We took this to mean that the rampant gunfire will resolve within a week or so.

Outside security camera footage from "Double-bun Sunday"

Outside security camera footage from “Double-bun Sunday”

To put the “fun” back in “BurgerStop”, we have some promotional days coming up that you won’t want to miss.

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Strike Force Foxx Has No Aspirations to Be Desert Strike: Return to the Gulf

Desert StrikeIf you were a kid who was super into playing war, the early 90s were pretty awesome.

There was this whole Desert Storm business going on, and Capitalist America used it as a golden opportunity to sell toy guns and army figures to children. Hell, I remember they released a whole series of collectable cards to commemorate that conflict. (I think I’ve got a few extra General Schwarzkopf cards lying around, if anyone wants to trade something for them.)

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Earthbound Is the One Game I Can Play on an Emulator

Earthbound Flying ManYou may recall I’ve said before that I can’t play games on emulators. Maybe it’s because my ADD makes it too easy for my mind to wander when I’m on my computer. Maybe I’ve outgrown a lot of these games. I don’t pretend to know.

What I do know is that Earthbound keeps my attention no matter how I’m playing it.

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Linda Cube Again Is My Favorite Game I’ve Never Played

Linda Cube Again labIf someone stuck Pokémon, Dragon Quest, and 90s psychological anime in a blender, they might get something that looked like Linda Cube Again. It takes an already bizarre concept — saving animals from the end of the world by placing them on an ark-like spaceship — and dials it up to 11, throwing giant arm transplants and evil twins who dress like Santa Claus into the mix. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a video game. [Read more...]