E3 2015: Keith David Ensures at Least One Fuck Given for Halo 5

Halo 5 Master ChiefLet’s be honest here: There is absolutely nothing that Halo 5 can offer at this point that a half dozen other sci-fi first-person shooters can’t also offer. Sure, when the series first came out, it was impressive and groundbreaking, but if we’re being honest with ourselves, it was only impressive because no one expected Microsoft to figure out how to have a game anyone gave a shit about.

Well, they’ve managed to do it again by ensuring Keith David’s voice is in the game.

I mean, was anyone genuinely looking forward to Halo 5 Guardians? Anyone other than people who’re desperate to prove that an Xbox One wasn’t a really stupid purchase, I mean? Of course not.

But Keith David? Keith David is the new Barry White. It’s been scientifically proven that Keith David’s voice will make players — men and women alike — have an orgasm at least once an hour.

So, good job, Microsoft. You’ve found yet another license to print money.