Fire Emblem: Awakening Is Turning Me Into a Terrible Human Being

For the last few days, I’ve been trying to hook up with my best friend’s son. I’ve gone out of my way to let him know I’m interested, taking every possible opportunity to get close to him. If all goes well, tonight will be the night I finally seal the deal.

If my friend knew what I was doing, he’d be horrified. I’m his most trusted confidant, the person he can come to with his deepest, darkest secrets. Seeing me with his son would shatter him to the very core.

But I mean, a Morgan with Rightful King and a second-generation stat boost? How can I resist?

fire emblem awakeningFrom the moment I started replaying Fire Emblem: Awakening, the game has found ways to coax me into acting like an awful human being. I broke up every single one of my happily married couples and encouraged each party to see other people. I’ve ensured that Libra and Virion will die childless and alone, simply because I didn’t want to pass down their inferior genetics. And, of course, I’ve tried my hardest to get it on with my friend’s time-traveling kids.

robin inigoI never used to play Fire Emblem: Awakening this way. In my first file, I didn’t consider stats at all, and made my marriage choices based on chemistry. I carefully considered the compatibility of each pairing, finding love for as much as the roster as possible.

But with each new save file I’ve started, I’ve descended further into the land of jerkitude. I’ve eschewed romance entirely, instead determining marriage partners via spreadsheet. I’ve become a firm believer in eugenics, heartlessly tossing aside any character lacking in skills I wanted to pass on.

And, now, I’m attempting to make Chrom a grandfather before his first kid’s out of diapers.

baby lucinaAt this point, I’ve already experienced Fire Emblem: Awakening‘s story several times. I straight up skip most of the cutscenes, and have no real incentive to play the game as a decent human being. There won’t be any support conversations in which an angry Chrom admonishes me for getting it on with his son. I won’t catch Virion weeping over his inability to find love. And if there are no repercussions for my admittedly awful actions, I guess I don’t really care.

Maybe it isn’t Awakening‘s fault I’m acting like a terrible person. I’m starting to think that I’ve been one all along.

  • panther0606

    don’t worry buddy. I’m sure a) the chrom who died in the future is happy his daughter escaped hell and found a nice man and b) that Libra and Virion will find a nice village girl somewhere in the world that you save from becoming a fiery hellhole with your genes you are passing down. ^.^