Five Games for People Who Hate People

Alcoholic Luigi's Postcards from MetaCon 2013I want to state this in no uncertain terms: I dislike people. I dislike dealing with them, I dislike being around them, and I dislike listening to them speak. All in all, I find people to be horrid little creatures.

This means I have a lot of time to myself, which means I have a lot of time for games. If you’re like me, you’re probably looking for games to fill up your people-free life. Well, look no further! These five games are perfect for any misanthrope.

Star Ocean: The Second Story

star ocean: second evolutionI’ve purchased Star Ocean: The Second Story no less than five times. Not only does it have a fantastic main story, but the ending each character gets depends on a number of in-game choices. This means that every single time you play, different characters could end up together in different ways. Add in the many items you can find and the different paths the story can take, and you’re left with a game you can spend months playing and replaying.

And know what you won’t be doing during those months and months? Interacting with real-life human beings.

Artificial Girl 3

Artificial Girl 3Remember when I said that this game was almost feminist? I stand by that.

However, it can also be a great relationship simulator, at least for certain values of the word “relationship.” Okay, it’s not really a relationship simulator at all, but it does allow you to have some simulated human interaction, and it does allow you to have sex. Which, if you hate people, is really all you were looking for anyway.

Valkyrie Profile

Valkyrie ProfileEven though I’ve only written about this game for GeekParty once, I absolutely adore it. One of the things I really enjoy about it is that it shows you each character’s death, and explains why it was considered heroic. Real people suck and hardly ever die heroically, which means you need some entertaining simulated heroic deaths. Valkyrie Profile totally delivers on that.

Grand Theft Auto V

Grand Theft Auto V MetareviewReally, all of the post-PSOne-era GTA games are perfect for misanthropes. You hate people? That’s just great! You can punch them, beat them with baseball bats, shoot them, and do all kinds of nasty things to every single person you come across. It’s great fun!

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Chicken SkyrimIf you’re a regular GeekParty reader, I’m sure you already knew that this game would be my number one choice.

Skyrim is a game you can get lost in. It’s a game you can spend hours playing. It’s a game where you can have a spouse and children, but you don’t actually have to do anything to maintain those relationships.

It’s everything a hater-of-people could ever want.

  • Strontium Dingo

    “People – what a bunch of bastards” – The I.T. Crowd

    I daren’t add anything else, apart from this (somewhat cowardly) sentence.