I’m so glad you could make it here! I’m really excited about meeting you. Okay, let’s get started. I’m this rabbit thing and I’m looking for an activity partner. I’d really rather not get caught up in labels describing myself. I suppose you could say I’m loosely related to the cabbit. Ryo-Ohki’s my third cousin, once removed after that Tenchi-Muyo incident, but this is about me.
I’m looking for someone who enjoys exploration, long walks in the woods, and throwing innocent babies off into the abyss without knowing if they’ll land safely, bash themselves against a wall, or fall into a random pool of acid.
Wait, don’t look at me like that! I’m not a horrible mother! I’m a good mother! Really, do you know of any other parent who would go through 100 levels of a creepy ass forest to retrieve her 202 children? No, you don’t.
Besides, it isn’t my fault. My children and I were in the forest, spending some quality time together, when a monster attacked. It was a flurry of confusion, and when I came to, all of the kids were gone!
Now that I think of it, that was pretty convenient. A monster showing up on a peaceful day like that. A bit odd too. I’m a rather prolific rabbit-kin with 258 kids, so it’s kind of strange that all of them would just disappear like that at once. I’d at least think old Limpy Joe would have been stuck behind, what with his gimpy leg and all.
Which is where you come into the picture. I need someone who’s willing to go all the way with me. This is a pretty big forest and you’re going to have to help me find my way through to grab all my kids and send them flying into these magic doorways. Don’t ask me where the doorways go. They certainly aren’t one-way portals that send them to their rooms for a week where they’ll think about the consequences of running off during a random monster attack.
Where’s their father? It’s actually an ironic story, given what’s just happened. See, shortly after our 289 kids were born, we were sitting at the burrow arguing over who was going to change the diapers of kids #7, 9, 16, 29, 36, 37, 40, 62, 80, 104, 116, 178, 203, 204, 222 and 230. All of a sudden, this snake monster just appeared out of nowhere. When I came to, Fred was gone and I was all alone with 239 kids.
Now that I think about it, that monster looked pretty familiar.
What? Yes, you’re right. We should get back to the situation at hand. My 308 babies are in danger!
Yes, I said 308. 202? Where did you get that number? Listen, I’m a cabbit. We breed like rabbits. I can’t be expected to keep track of how many kids I’ve got. The important thing is, they’ve all taken off and I’ve got to get through these next 100 levels or else Cabbit Protective Services is going to be on my ass. They’re already mad about my transportation methods. I mean, when you’ve got 324 kids, the most efficient way to get them places is to grab that kid and throw him or her as far as you can through the forest in the hopes they’ll fly right into a magic door and not some green mini-Godzilla.
So, are you in or what?
