Internet Arcade Review: Crush Roller

Crush Roller

There was a time in this country when you could leave your doors unlocked without fear of intruders or marauders. A time when a woman could walk safely and comfortably alone at night without fear of attack or harassment. A time when babies could openly, nay brazenly, enjoy candy in public under no supervision without fear of theft or mugging. A time when the rule of law was respected and revered, even heralded. Authority meant something and was more than just a target of resentment and suspicion, criticism and ridicule.

And then Crush Roller was released in 1981 and all of that came to a grinding halt.

Crush Roller rocked the very foundation of this country and called into question what it meant to be an American. Crush Roller re-wrote the book of love and changed the title to “Pooning.” Crush Roller burned the Bible and spread the ashes on the cold granite floor of the Vatican. Crush Roller was all like “sup?”

Crush Roller was, and is to this day, a frequently over-looked if not completely forgotten maze-puzzler that deserves to be played by women and men alike.

Crush Roller is me, and I am Crush Roller.