Lizzie from Rampage Is Most Definitely Not a Dinosaur

Rampage MonstersIt’s Dinosaur Week at GeekParty, which means the staff has been discussing all kinds of important scientific issues. Like, say, whether or not Lizzie from the game Rampage qualifies as an actual dinosaur.

Much like a pendulum, opinions on the issue have swung back and forth.

It all started when one of our writers, Tyler, claimed Lizzie couldn’t be a dinosaur, since she was actually a human who’d gone through a transformation.  Alcoholic Luigi called phooey, offering up up some strange semblance of an argument rooted in claims about Godzilla and a chicken gene-splicing movie.

Ever the instigator, I must chime in and offer my two cents on the matter: Lizzie is unequivocally NOT a dinosaur. She’s simply a mutated lizard.

Lizzie the LIZARDFor proof of my claim, you need not look any further than Lizzie’s tongue-in-cheek name. If that’s not evidence enough, note that none of the other monsters are prehistoric in nature.

Luigi’s core argument seems to be that a person who changes into a dinosaur is still a dinosaur, and that may in fact hold water. But since Lizzie actually changed into a mutated lizard, not a dinosaur, his genetic “theories” have no bearings.

My opponents may argue that the word dinosaur means “terrible lizard.” However, it’s important to note that dinosaurs aren’t actually lizards at all. In fact, modern science shows that the closest living relatives of dinosaurs are birds. Like chickens.

the mighty roosterAfter carefully reviewing the evidence presented, I must side with my co-worker Tyler. Lizzie is most definitely not a dinosaur, although I wish she were. Giant lizards are cool, but they can’t compete with the power of dinosaurs.