Kids shouldn’t play violent video games.
I have a bit of a problem here at my house. See, I should have listened when my son’s psychiatrist told me that violent videogames were bad for him.
I didn’t though, and so two weeks ago, after much begging, I bought the kid a copy of Halo 3. I figured I’d start him with something toned-down that I knew he could handle. I’d played Halo before, after all. I didn’t see anything in it that could particularly harm his tender young mind. Sure, there’s a bit of blood and guts involved, but nothing capable of brainwashing an impressionable 8-year-old.
The first couple nights were fine. In fact, my son’s usual outbursts remained mostly in check. There was no throwing the cat, tripping his brother down the stairs, or trying to go after the dog with steak knives (all of which are things that have happened in my household before). He didn’t complain once about dinner or whine that we’d poisoned his food.
See, we’re not bad parents. Our child is just super creative and unique, and unfortunately no one understands that. They all blame it on his diet or tell us that he needs “special pills” to be better. Screw them! It’s not our fault that our child is unique. All the same, having such a special child can be difficult, and so for the moment, we were happy to have found something to take his busy mind off other things — things that aren’t the dog, or steak knives.
That all changed Saturday night after his first time playing Halo 3‘s team deathmatch. His demeanor completely changed, and in a second my baby boy went from nearly catatonic to completely wild. He threw his brother down the stairs, all the while screaming “MELEE, MELEE!” Not long after that, he locked himself in his room screaming something about team kills.
And this is why children should not be allowed to play videogames. Obviously, this violent sport has turned my beautiful, smart, completely normal baby boy into a monster. If I had only listened, he wouldn’t be up on the roof right now, screaming ‘SNIPER!’ and firing his paintball gun at random passers-by. We tried calling the fire department, but they weren’t of any help. Apparently our child’s disciplinary issues are “our own responsibility.” Go figure.
I don’t understand why this garbage is allowed on the market. Clearly the violent, corrupt nature of the characters in this game have done something to my son’s wiring. And if it can happen to my child, it can happen to yours. It can happen to sweet little Suzie down the street who you’d never think would hurt a fly. It could happen to your cousin, your nephew, your niece, your brother, or your sister.
For that reason, I implore you: don’t buy violent videogames. Everyone knows they’re bad for your children, and from now on, we raise my family on wholesome family values in my house. Nothing but news and the Bible for these kids. God knows they wouldn’t fill those things with violence.