There’s a Quina in My Kingdom Hearts 3D

Congratulate me, I’m a mother!

Granted, it’s to the most butt-ugly baby you’d ever want to see. But still, I think I’m supposed to be able to look past that. In theory, I should be able to, at least. The thing is, the new addition to my virtual family really freaks me out. Discovering you now have to raise and care for something with the appearance of a clown creepier than Pennywise in It and a tongue as long as its body isn’t exactly comforting.

It’s not like I have a choice. I need good Dream Eaters for Sora and Riku in Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance and Jestabocky seems like a pretty good Dream Eater. It started out with a B grade after I fused it, with no effort on my part, while all my other Dream Eaters tend to languish around D and E-dom.

Besides, it’s not really the general strangeness of that bugs me. It’s more that reminds me of someone. Something, if you want to be really precise. It bears an uncanny resemblence to my least favorite Final Fantasy character ever, Quina from Final Fantasy IX.

I. Hate. Quina.

I never beat Final Fantasy IX, and it’s all Quina’s fault. The thing was ugly and I really didn’t want to go to the trouble of leveling up or earning blue magic skills for something I was never going to use. It just seemed like a waste of time, so I spent the entire game pretending Quina didn’t exist.

Then I reached the final battle of one of the discs and realized that in doing so, I had screwed myself over. Characters were automatically paired up to fight in multiple boss battles at once. Which was fine for the rest of my party. I liked all the other characters! But Zidane got paired up with Quina and he didn’t have a chance. I had only used Quina when it was forced on me, so it was still pretty much at the level I got it. Zidane and Quina tanked. I didn’t have more than one save file and that was it for Final Fantasy IX.

Now, Quina has reincarnated in the form of Jestabocky to mock me in a completely different game.

I know how ridiculous that sounds. I’m sure I can come up with a more plausible explanation. Let me give it a try.

Square Enix is setting up Final Fantasy IX as the first Final Fantasy world for Kingdom Hearts 3.

We can pretty much equate Dream Eaters with dreams and nightmares. (Don’t argue with me.) If Jestabocky is a dream, then it must be based on or inspired by some real-life equivalent. Quina would be a perfect fit for that, as Jestabocky looks like an earlier evolutionary form. (It’s easier to think of Quina as a Pokémon-creature than as a person!) If you think logically, this means that somehow the people of Final Fantasy IX must be connected to the other Kingdom Hearts worlds to make this happen.

This would mean that Alexandria/Mist Continent/Gaia could be a perfect candidate world for Sora/Riku/anyone with enough fingers to grip a keyblade to visit in Kingdom Hearts 3. It’d work really well, as the character designs would fit in perfectly with the super deformed Disney characters we’ve already seen throughout the games. Not to mention it was the most whimsical of all the Final Fantasy worlds. Sure, Kuja would have to put on some pants, but it could work.

The only other alternative is that someone at Square Enix actually thinks Quina is cute, and that just can’t be true.

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