This Nintendo-Less Jerk Is Searching for a Cure

JerkI used to be a really nice person. Honest, I was. I can’t help but wonder what happened.

It would be convenient to simply write it off as growing pains or the cynicism of the aging, but that’s a far too unalterable conclusion for my liking. There has to be more to it than that, for the sake of my soul.

When I witnessed the calm, caring, and sincere nature of a certain subset of society, I started to develop a theory. Call me crazy, but I think my harrumphing and snobbery can be scientifically attributed to the lack of Nintendo in my life.

Nintendo LogoI’m not trying to blame Sony for my curmudgeonly ways, but it was right around the time I got a PSone that my transformation into jerkitude began. Slowly but surely, I mutated into a deformed, Golem-like creature who pooh-poohed anything not Sony.

SONY DSCIt only got worse when I switched my loyalty to Microsoft and the Xbox 360. Man, I was a real dick after that.

Now, I see the error of living a life sans Nintendo, but I fear that it’s too late to correct course and get this F-Zero-esque space racer lifecraft of mine back on track.

So I’m turning to the only doctor I trust that can be of any help to me at all at this late stage in my asshole-dom: Dr. Mario.

Dr. MarioPray for me, and pray for my soul.