Shut up. I don’t care about whatever bullshit justification you’re about to give me. Let us recall that I’m the girl who wrote an article complaining about all the “warrior princess” re-imaginings of Princess Peach. I can appreciate character appropriate idiocy. That ability, however, makes inappropriate idiocy piss me off even more.
There are three major justifications for the heels. Let me address the stupidest first.
“It’s just a game, it doesn’t matter.”
Firstly, fuck you. Secondly, fuck you. Thirdly, it matters because Samus is a bounty hunter. If they wanted to put heels on a female character, there are two princesses they could have slapped heels on. They already have heels? That’s my point.
I’m not complaining when characters for whom it’s appropriate are wearing heels. It’s in their character, so it makes sense. Can you explain to me, however, why a badass bounty hunter would wear shoes that make her feet hurt and throw her balance off? Without being stupid?
“They had to use the Other M design.”
I have no opinions on Other M, and I’m not going to pan the game. However, just because a past game had a stupid design flaw doesn’t mean that stupid flaw should be repeated. No one’s demanding Nintendo figure out how to represent the Virtual Boy or R.O.B the robot, because those things were stupid. When the stupid design flaw is a male sexual fantasy, however, it seems like people come out of the woodwork to say it’s a good idea. It’s not. It wasn’t a good idea in Other M, and there’s no good reason to repeat the idea in Smash Brothers.
“Justin Bailey Code!”
The reason this justification doesn’t work wraps back around to my first point. I don’t have a problem with the sexualization of characters, because human beings are sexual creatures. What I have a problem with is ignoring who the character is, because that’s where the objectification happens. The Zero Suit itself could be said to be sexy, and it is. But it’s sexy in a way that makes sense, because Samus generally wears a giant fuck you combat suit.
It’s logical enough to wear something skin-tight under that suit, since baggy clothing would make the suit uncomfortable. Likewise, it’s reasonable enough to wear some sort of bikini-like outfit for the same reasons. Heels make no fucking sense, because there’s no logical reason why it would be better to wear heels rather than no heels.
I’m not asking for much, Nintendo. All I’m asking is for you to show respect to your intellectual properties, and to the girls who enjoy your games. You want to sexy things up? Do it in a way that shows you understand who these characters are and why they’ve developed the way they have. Otherwise, you get people like me rightly calling you out for being objectifying assholes.